


Tomato tomahto, oh my god it's chili not tomato!!!

by SpaceCarrot



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Eddie Kaspbrak, Adult Richie Tozier, Divorced Eddie Kaspbrak, Eddie and Richie are best buds until they are not, Eddie is intense, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I mean I didn't write about it at all, I meant to do a dialogue based fic, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mentions of stealing, Myra doesn't get her redemption arc because I didn't focus on it, Richie is deep in the closet, Richie repeatedly says he's hot, Slow Burn, Swearing, Tourists, but I soon changed tacticts, but she's not a genuine bad person, mental health too, mentions of 'marital duty', she has issues sure, starts light and gets more heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:49:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28904415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceCarrot/pseuds/SpaceCarrot
Summary: Richie and Eddie embark on a trip to Thailand after the terrible ordeal the Losers have been through.Based on the random OTP prompt:Is it hot here or is it me?It's you.what?what?
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

—Diphtheria is an infectious disease caused by Corynebacterium diphtheriae. It is prone to produce a toxin that reaches first the airways, then the heart, and finally the peripheral nervous system. Complications may include myocarditis, inflammation of nerves, kidney problems, and bleeding problems due to low levels of fucking platelets. Now listen, Diphtheria is usually spread between people by direct contact or through the air. Hey, you listening Richie?

—Of course I am, Spaghetti man.

—Don't call me that, asshole. Just, were you listening? Three or four doses of vaccine, given along with tetanus vaccine and pertussis vaccine are recommended during childhood. Of course, I got mine, but did you?

—Prolly not.

At the outraged look Eddie gave him, Richie put up a big reassuring hand between them.

—But, I took care of everything with my doc and got the necessary vaccines to be able to travel abroad Asia. So everything's fine. Plus, I'm not an asshole, though I do have one.

—Oh I wondered because you're always so full of shit.

—Eddie love, I save my crap only for you.

—Let's just forget about the poop jokes, it's gross.

—Anythin' fer yaou koupkayk <3

Eddie sighed.

—Why always the accents? You're shit at them.

—Ah ah, remember? No more mentions of faeces.

—Right. 

Two minutes later, Eddie had started rambling again about diseases.

—… Hepatovirus A, also, Leptospirosis is a fucking big deal where we are going, I mean, sure, it can only give you headaches or muscle pains, fever, but, but-but, in sever forms it makes your lungs bleed. Like. It gives you severe pulmonary haemorrhage syndrome. I already spit fucking blood because my lungs were torn, but I don't want to have bleeding lungs ever again. Oh and I almost forgot, amoeba, giardia duodenalis, strongyloidiasis, all of them bloody intestine parasites! 

Eddie fussed and shoved a screen in Richie's face where a visible worm was lying under the white surface of an inflamed eye.

—Relaaaaaaaaax, Richie said with his nasal quality. Chill, enjoy the flight. Do ya wanna watch a movie?

—God you're unbelievable. Why are we going there again?

—Caaause you said "Let's get the hell away from Derry and go where there are at least three oceans between Maine and us". So, there are the Atlantic and Indian Ocean between the US and Thailand if we go Est. And, there's the Pacific Ocean between Maine and Thailand if we go West. All in all, that'll be three oceans between us and Derry when we land!

—Whatever. I don't think I meant a place where tiny insects can kill us.

—Look, we're tourists. We'll play dumb tourists and get conned everyday by locals. That'll be great!

Richie gave his goofy smile and Eddie let himself relax a little bit.

Six hours and three Marvel movies later, the hussle of getting back their luggage wasn't as tiring as Richie would have thought. Eddie hadn't complained that much about bacteria in airports.

—That hotel is actually very neat and clean, Eddie had said when they had arrived, and what a fucking relief that had been! Eddie could be a handful when he wanted.

Richie smiled to himself and knocked on Eddie's door.

—Hey, Eds! Wanna do something fun?

Richie let himself in as Eddie did his frown puppy face.

—Don't call me Eds, dipshit.

—How come your face is so cute, Eddie?

—How come yours is so wide? It's wider than my former house, Rich.

Richie laughed as he spread on the bed doing the starfish.

—God I'm glad there's air conditioning in the rooms. Just picture us cooking slowly in our beds during the night because it's just so hot!

—Rich. It will be when we get outside again. I mean, just out of the airport, it was fucking evening but still! Warm humid air was closing in on around us. It felt like being fucking sick.

—Let's think about the sun! Sunlight! Sunrays! It'll be awesome!

Richie quickly deflated the next day. Eddie was dressed all in white while Richie wore an ugly large shirt with lots of fruit design.

—My god is it hot in here or is it just me? Richie sighed when they had arrived to visit the first temple.

—It's you, Eddie responded.

—What?

—What? 

—Oh, Eddie, do you like what you see? 

Richie started moving around in an enticing manner.

—Oh please, Rich, you know that's not what I meant.

—So you don't like this, and this, and all this?

Richie got close while passing a hand through his hair, pressing them against his torso and down his abdomen.

Eddie backed away and lashed at him, flushed with anger.

—Stop it! It makes me uncomfortable, you moron!

Richie stopped immediately.

—Oh I'm, I'm sorry Eds. I thought I was being funny.

—Well you weren't. And we're about to visit a fucking temple, let's show some decency. 

The two Losers visited four temples before striding through the market. Richie spent twenty-five minutes bargaining for some items and ended up being scammed nonetheless. He was very happy. 

Eddie got Beverly and Ben a gift first; he was still thinking about what he could get Mike when the duo stopped to get dinner. 

—Look at the price of a coke, Eds. That's neat! I feel bad about it.

—Yeah you also tipped about everything that moved, including all the merchants that overcharged you. But it's okay, you seem to have the money.

—Say that again louder so we can get robbed on the way to the hotel, Richie said with a grin. And as far as I know, my dear Eddie Spaghetti, you are filthy rich too.

—Since when is it bad to have money?

—I dunno, that's what the press makes us believe. Say, do you know how I always got money back when we were kids?

—God, lemme guess… you sold your personnel services to my mom?

—I was gonna say I let Henry Bowers suck my dick for 10 bucks but that works too.

Richie laughed so hard people actually turned to stare at him.

—Gross. So gross. Anyway, they're both dead now, let the dead rest in peace.

—Yeah, let's cheer because they're not among the living anymore.

—Richie.

—What?

—You didn't have money when you were a kid.

—Nah, I didn't! That's right, I didn't.

The reduced group of the Losers spent one more night at the hotel and then moved to a big apartment located in Bangkok.

—Wow, that would have been awesome if Stan, Ben and Bev, Mike and Bill could have made it. Look at all this space, Eds. Way better than the dam at the Barrens when I think about it.

Wooden floor, a nice cozy armchair and sofa, several rooms. It felt cozy and homey.

—I'm taking the armchair! Eddie exclaimed instead of answering. Humming in satisfaction, he acknowledged at last Richie's comment. 

—Don't call me Eds you dipshit. Bev and Ben are basically on their third honeymoon trip somewhere in Costa Rica, Mike went to visit Europe with Stanley and his wife, and Bill had something come up. Sure, I could have ended up with a better Loser, but I'll deal with it just being you, Eddie added with a cheeky grin.

—Whaaaaaaaa? I'm clearly the most funny of the gang, I'm, I'm good looking and hot, look at that sexyness, I'm, cute and handsome at the same time, I'm damned adorable when I laugh, nobody can resist me!

—Wow, that was so sad to hear. 

—Hey, excuse a guy for developing an inferiority complex when he sees you're all eyes for big Bill and only Bill! Not Mike, not Ben or Stan, or Bev or me, no! Always Bill.

—I did not! Eddie defended himself.

—Yes you did!

Richie collapsed dramatically on the sofa and spread his long legs on the armrest. 

—Hey Eds! 

—What, Rich? 

—Draw me like one of your French whores…! Richie sighed. 

Eddie burst out laughing and giggled for a good moment. 

—See? Your face can handle not being in a perpetuous puppy dog frown for a few seconds. 

—Rich? 

—Yeah? 

—Do me a favor and just shut your fucking mouth full of trash.

The following morning, Eddie was excited. They went to the store and bought everything they needed to clean the whole appartement. Not because Eddie was sick, but because Richie and him would stay there a while, and because it made Eddie feel good to clean. They were slowly adapting to the scorching heat of the streets and to the polar cold of many boutiques and buildings due to hardcore air conditioning. 

They cleaned all morning, talking and for Richie's part singing. Currently, he was trying to emulate some of the locals they had seen, talking gibberish he thought sounded Thai. 

—Dude, stop.

—And then she grabbed my hand like this,

Richie proceeded to talk some more gibberish, halted doing a wide smile on the bridge of laughter then hid his face behind his hands whilst trying to laugh discreetly.

—Come on Rich, it's the fourth time you're doing it.

Richie shook his head, willing the laughter to go away but it didn't. Eddie rolled his eyes so hard they could have gotten stuck.

—I saw some Guava juice served in the bar downstairs, I'm gonna see if I like it.

Eddie put his shoes then exited the apartment as Richie was telling him to wait.

—There you are! I didn't even know which café you meant. It's a street full of them, Eddie.

—I have a phone.

—Yeaaah, maybe I don't? 

—You mean to tell me you lost your damn phone, Richie?!

—Maaaaybeeee? No, no I didn't really lose it.

Eddie glared at him from behind his guava juice.

—I told you, the lady did a weird motion with her arm, I didn't lose it, it was prolly stolen.

—Urgh. You're unbelievable, and that was totally that American chick that kept talking and getting close to you. We'll have to go to the mall to see a special store, and hey! That's my juice, dickhead! 

—Yeah? It doesn't have a sign on it.

Eddie was gobsmacked. Richie had dared. Eddie sprang to action and struggled to get his juice back. Seeing as he wasn't strong enough, he changed tactics. The sight was quite pathetic. Two grown men trying to drink from the same glass as if they were in a fight.

—The fuck Richie!!

The lanky man had managed getting most of the green juice down his chin and onto his thai shirt. Droplets of juice were staining his glasses as he grinned widely.

—What the fuck, Richie! Eddie repeated. I have some on my shoulder and down my neck! I look like I fucking vomited peas you dickhead!

—I think… Richie tried to say but was interrupted by his own fit of laughter. I think…. The poor man cackled loudly like a hen. I got… t, got ju… I think I got juice THROUGH MY NOSE EDS!!! He ended up shouting, putting a fist on the table. He looked at Eddie, spitting some more laughter while clutching his belly. My god, Eds! DID YOU BLOW HULK? 

And then Richie was lost in laughter again. One of his eyes was almost closed as his face was stretched into the widest of grins. 

Eddie grabbed the glass and poured the remaining drink right onto Richie's grin.

—There. Oh look, Sup's kryptonite weakened sperm landed on your face.

Richie pressed his fingers under his glasses and kept on snickering. Eddie got up quickly.

—I'm the first to go to the shower! He exclaimed.

And then he ran.

—Oh hey that's not fair spaghetti man! I'm blinded! I'm fucking blinded! I'm blind! I'm like disabled! You're, you're being rude to a disabled person!!

Richie clumsily got up and and went after Eddie whilst trying to free his eyes from tears. He bumped into a chair and cursed under his breath. Smudges of green and sticky juice stained his glasses. He was so fucked. Nonetheless, Richie had faced a motherfucker killing dancing clown, crawled through sewers and threw rocks at a psychopathic bully that had carved his name on Ben's skin, killed Mike's dog and broken Eddie's arm when they were twelve. He could do this.  
When Richie reached the apartment's door, Eddie was furiously washing his hands in the kitchen sink. A lot of white foam soap was covering his hands and forearms.

—Bingo! Richie said triumphantly as he rushed to the bathroom first.

Eddie was hot on his tail and soap coated hands shot to grab Richie. The man suddenly started to do his imitation of the Thai seller and had to whisper with difficulty because he was already laughing his ass off. As Richie weakened due to his increasing laughter, Eddie took that as his cue to push him through the doorway.

—Dude! You put your fucking dog shit filled shoes on the bathroom tiles!!!! And you haven't washhed your fucking hands yet!!!!

—Eds daaaaarliiiing I'm going first!!!!!

—Don't call me that, prick!

—I'm going first! Richie repeated heartily. He tried to undo a button of his shirt for several seconds before pushing Eddie away. He then pulled his wide shirt over his head and smiled when his glasses hadn't fallen off.

Eddie sent a look full of indignation his way and battled against Richie some more whilst the tall man kicked off his shoes. Soapy foam was all over Richie's forearms too, now. No matter the ongoing struggle, Richie managed to pull down his shorts with one hand. Eddie backed away with outrage.

—I'm going first!! Richie repeated with his nasal voice. He had managed to pull one sock free when Eddie rushed to the sliding door screen and turned on the water before jumping right through the cold stream.

—WELL YOU'RE NOT. I'M FIRST!!!! Eddie yelled as his clothed became completely soaked. Richie laughed and pulled the second sock.

—That may be true but I'm the first showering, Richie said. He put down his dirty glasses on the side of the sink and joined Eddie.

—No Rich! I'm taking the shower first! 

The two grown men battled against one another under the water flow. Richie grabbed the shampoo they had bought while Eddie poured plenty of body gel on his clothes. By now they were both laughing like children.

—Hey, you're taking most of the space, skinny guy!

—Sorry if forty is being kinder to me than to you, Trashmouth! 

—What? You think the years have been unkind to me? It's called being a dilf, stands for DAD I'D LIKE TO FUCK, Eds, I've never been hotter in my whole life than right now.

Eddie snorted at his comment, rubbing more foam soap on his clothes and arms. The whole ordeal was particularly silly. Richie chose this moment to carefully step out of the shower. His long hair were full of shampoo and sticking in all places. Plenty of water fell onto the tiled floor. He heard Eddie bitch about it but kept smiling.

—Hey Eds, I'm going in the tub! 

Richie let the water warm up before placing the bathtub stopper on the drain. He came back to the shower to get two different flavored body gels then poured a good amount of both in the tub. Satisfied, he flashed Eddie a grin before climbing over.

—Mmmmh, this is actually nice, Richie hummed. The level of the water was pretty low and he wasn't even soaked to the hip, but the hot water felt good where it touched his body.

Richie cupped his hands and gathered enough water to throw on his scalp. 

—Damn that's a lot of shampoo! My hand may have been a little bit heavy earlier.

As Richie cleared away more and more shampoo, water got stuck inside his ear. He winced and oriented his head to the side. Richie pressed some more water to his face with a satisfied sigh and cleared away the soap that might have stuck to his face. When he opened his eyes, he didn't register immediately the noise of rustling wet clothed. A blur of beige shape with a square of blue color passed in front of him and climbed onto the bathtub.

—What the fuck, Eddie? You got the shower all for yourself!

—And you get the best spot? I don't think so.

—Wow, my eyesight is pretty shitty but are those abs? Six or eight pack? Man you got a way of making a dude feel self-conscious.

—Don't try touching them! My body's not for sale like yours!

—Your knee is killing my thigh I'm just putting it aside, man, chill.

—Mmh. There's no fucking space.

—I hadn't noticed Eddie bear.

—My god don't call me that! 

Richie grabbed both of Eddie's ankles and lifted them with strong arms.

—Whatcha doing! I have this fucking metal bit in my back now!

—Wait. I'm just trying to make this work.

Richie retracted his legs and folded them with his knees connecting one foot away from his torso.

—Oy dickhead! Heard what I said? It hurts my fucking back.

—Yes yes, just gimme a second, Eds.

Richie put down Eddie's legs on top of his own until Eddie's feet rested against his belly.

—Victory is ours! Richie said with a deep military voice. It is a walk over, he added cracking up by making Eddie's fit step on his belly that contracted due to his laughter. 

The water tap ran water down Eddie's knees and the level slowly rose, bit by bit. 

—This is nicer than I thought it would be, Eddie said after a while.

Two men fitting in a tub, 0 feet apart, boxers on, cause they're not gay.

—Yeah, Richie agreed. Who would have thought we would fit in this? I mean, I know you're tiny and scrawny and all, but you still own your size!

—Fuck you.

—You wish, Richie responded with a wink and a grin.

They rested there for about thirty minutes, talking about deep stuff and watching the steam do artwork in the air before getting up and rinsing themselves with the shower head.

—Let's put some music next time, Eddie had said.

—Sure thing, Richie had replied.

—Oh god we didn't bring the towels in there.

—Shit! Well, I'll just have to be your hero today, Eduardo!

Richie stepped out and wrung out his hair above the tub. When he came back, he had two fluffy towels in hand.

—Here you go, Eds.

—Don't call me that, Eddie smiled.

—Hey I didn't know you had funny boxers. Look at this one, you must be so cute in it!

Richie waved a pokemon themed boxer enthusiastically. 

Eddie flushed and grabbed it immediately.

—Did Myra know about it?

—God don't mention her, the heavy talks are down the drain now. It was your chance buddy.

—Alright! Richie quickly dried himself and put the towel on his lower back. He leaned to pull off his wet cotton pants, quickly put another boxer and called Eddie with way too much mischief in his voice.

—What, Richie.

—What about this one? Richie asked as he dropped the towel and turned around.

—Oh my god you didn't.

Richie wore a nice boxer with a tuxedo front. There was the clean drawing of a white shirt tucked under a smoking, and a black bowtie was drawn just below the waistband. All of the boxer was black except for the white shirt and collar on the front.

—Richie! 

Eddie did some sort of exasperated sigh.

—I bought these after the divorce as a kind of treat, Rich! And I won't reap this one off you, but god you are a child sometimes.

Richie giggled and took his glasses and a scrap of toilet paper.

—It's really nice! Richie said. I'm sure it suits me so well.

Thick glasses on the nose, Richie wiped the mist off the mirror and beheld himself. He hadn't done a great job at drying himself off and droplets of water ran down his broad back and torso. He looked gorgeous.

—Not bad! Richie praised. You can have the bathroom. See you in a few!


	2. Chapter 2

Eddie felt so good when he was clean. He and Richie scrapped an excuse for a snack from what they had bought in the nearest frigid store. The exploration of the big apartment began again and they found a bunch a Disney blu-rays on the shelves near the sofa.

—Oh, there's Tim Burton stuff too, and National Treasure! Kid's haven! Richie said with a smile.

—I'm pretty sure you watched shitty horror movies when you were twelve.

—Yeah, and you're basically an adult when you're twelve Immaright? You own the world and the world doesn't owe you no shit. Then, obviously, you hit thirteen and your body makes you feel self conscious and you're basically a scrawny teenager with long years ahead of you with the priviledge of having oily skin and dirty hair.

—Gross. You forgot the bit where you are bullied. Oh wait, it started way before that!

Both of them snickered and went ahead with the day. The very evening, they were trying to fit as much food in their mouths as they could. Creamy coconut curry noodles, spicy shrimp soup, pineapple fried rice, spicy green papaya salad, stir-fried pumpkin, Richie had never thought he would crave so much vegetables and sugary flavours in dishes. The air was warm around them, hanging out with your best pal was the best.

—Rich, I'm so full I feel like I've been filled up with balloons. You know, those for parties, or the ones that go with a clown. Like, I don't even know if you can have a party with balloons but without the clown. Can you?

—Yeah you can, buddy. It's called a fucking funer- uh, I meant wedding. You got one, remember? Richie had a big smile on his face, Eddie couldn't help but smile back.

In the intimacy of the bathtub though, they had both admitted of still being scared shitless of everything that had happened in Derry. Eddie shook his head.

—Hey Rich, let's hide a secret stash somewhere.

—A what? Richie asked laughing.

—A fucking secret stash of money. Several, even! We would put some in the apartment, and for the others, we find a forest or something. Isn't there a park here like Central Park?

—Why would we need to hide a stash of money, Eddie?

Eddie laughed from the nose.

—S' for next time you get robbed by pretty tourists. Then we can get to one of the stash and you can have money to buy stuff again!

Richie laughed with his Eddie.

—But Eds, why wouldn't we just go to a currency exchange agency? 

—I dunno Rich, because, because it steals and gives you less than you paid for!

Richie laughed good-heartedly. They made their way back to the apartment, complaining about full stomachs and dreaming of eating again all the delicacies the city had to offer.

—You sure we won't have traveler's diarrhea? Richie asks.

—I assure you, not eating any vegetable raw or drinking any water that's not from a bottle drops our risks of contracting it. That's a fact.

—It's a fact that you don't know if we'll get it, Richie said to push a little Eddie out of his confort zone.

—Whatever man, it's not gonna kill us, is it? You already got poopoo outta your butthole, right? I'd even wager it happens every week. Surprising!

Richie looked at Eddie with big eyes. Wasn't he the one freaking out in the plane about bacteria?

Despite having declared the comfy armchair was his, Eddie came to settle next to Richie on the sofa. They watched Beauty and the Beast side by side drinking local beer, sprawled comfortably with their foot propped up against the coffee table.

—I feel like a pillow, Richie said, watching the screen with tired eyes.

—Same here.

—This is nice. I really feel like a cushion or a pillow, Richie insisted. 

—Yeah you don't look the part though. Hey Rich, you look like, you look a little bit like Gaston! But with no muscles whatsoever. And. No, actually, you don't look like him.

—Yup, no muscles. I'm, I'm the king of skinny fat.

—Of what?

—Skinny fat! 

—What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Rich? Eddie laughed.

—It's, it's a thing. When guys have a disgraceful body shape because they stay on their arse all day. They are slim everywhere but the waist, it's hilarious to see. Wanna see some pics? I mean, you're bound to look like that someday. Even when you're Arnold Schwarzenegger, or, Emma Watson.

Richie looked in Eddie's direction.

—But maybe you'll stay scrawny forever, my little spaghetti man. 

—The fuck? I'm not little. I'm, average.

—Yeeeeessss keep telling you that, Richie started to snicker. What do you think Belle would look like if she drank eight pack of beers a day?

—Huh, I guess she'd look way more like her dad, moustache and all.

When the credits rolled, Eddie had fallen asleep. Richie nudged him with his elbow.

—Hey Eds, the movie's over. Shall I rewind? Richie asked with a smirk.

—...shole.

—What was that, Eds?

—Asshole. And don't call me that, it fucking sounds like AIDS.

Richie got up and stretched. He cleared the coffee table from the few beer bottles and yawned. 

—Well, I'm heading up to bed. See you tomorrow… Sweet dreams, he said as he yawned again and made his way to his room.

—..s'..ole.

—What was that, Eds? Richie said from the doorway.

—I said asshole! 

The next morning, quite early, Richie was woken up by a hand on the shoulder.

—Wake up dickhead.

Richie mumble something with a frown. 

—I said wake up dickhead. 

—What the fuck do you want, Eddie? Can't a man fucking sleep now?  
Richie tried to open his eyes but the the valiant battle against light was a lost cause. He put his head under the pillow grumbling something unhappily.

—I thought about going jogging today. Wanna come? I'm making coffee. We'll have to catch a train though, I spoke with someone on the streets below, they said usually locals catched a train to go run alongside green parks because the streets are so crowded and full of street vendors it's impossible to jog there. Also, there's an island oasis in the Chao Phraya River they call the green lungs of the city. Seemed nice to me.

—You understood all that in Thai? Wow that's impressive, Richie deadpanned.

—It was a fucking European you fucker.

Richie willed himself to stand after Eddie had left the room. He threw on a random shirt on and headed to the kitchen.

—Oh wow you look as if you're ready to leave right away, I hadn't noticed. 

Eddie was sporting a red polypropylene t-shirt and soft white nylon shorts that arrived way above mid thigh. He had a belt with two flasks of water and sunglasses on top of his head.

—You were talking about a train? Richie asked.

They discussed the finer points of the plan for the morning over a cup of coffee, then Richie hurried to his room to prepare for the day. Richie had brought a running attire since he ran at least twice a month. He wasn't a running addict (freak) like Eddie but enjoyed running a few miles every once in a while.

Placing a cap on his head, Richie was almost ready to go. They put on the strongest sunscreen, (as always before leaving the apartment) and headed down the three flights of stairs. The atmosphere outside was oppressively humid and hot. Richie looked at his own tight lycra shorts that arrived above his knee cap, then shot a longing look towards Eddie's short light shorts. Damned, he was going to die under this smothering heat.

Richie learnt to count to 10 in Thai with nice old ladies in the MRT subway. It was a really nice bonding moment that made Eddie smile. Of course, the old ladies didn't speak a word of English, but Richie managed to convey some meaning with his hands, counting slowly from one to ten with his fingers.

After running two miles, Richie had to slow down and come to a stop. The strength of the heat combined with the hot wet air was really hard to overcome. The whole of his top wear was soaked by sweat, as was his cap. Eddie wasn't looking any better. They agreed to make their way back just walking looking miserable. Richie downed his first bottle of water thirstily, then drank half of the second one before breathing heavily.

—My god this water is warm. Not lukewarm, no, it's as fucking hot as Jessica Rabbit. I can't believe I didn't buy some isothermal flask, I read about it, I knew about it before travelling, Eds, and I didn't think of buying one!

—It's okay Rich, we can go to the mall today for a new phone and isothermal flasks, Eddie said reassuringly.

Richie poured water on his hair and face, trying to wash away the sweat that stang his skin, then resumed drinking slowly.

—At least let's stay hydrated, the heat is a killer and it's still fucking morning. 

Both men came back to the apartment with sullen faces. Richie lay down on the sofa after a shower and started to snore softly. After awhile, Eddie came out of the bathroom freshly shaven.

—Do you wanna visit the Grand Palace today? He asked. No answer came. The constant sad frown that was shaping his brow in an adorable pout deepened.

The moment he spotted his friend on the couch, the frown smoothed over.

—Richie, hey, do you want to do the Bangkok Grand Palace today or do you want to, uh keep chilling this afternoon?

Richie didn't so much as stir.

Eddie didn't think twice before climbing over the sofa and on top of Richie to ask again his question with a loud voice. 

—THE FUCK EDDIE! Don't fucking SHOUT IN MY EAR!

—You didn't answer my question!

—The fuck I will! 

Richie feigned going back to sleep and put his relaxed fists on top of his eyes to block the light. Hands grabbed his wrists and shoved them aside.

—HEY RICH! DO YOU WANNA DO THE MOST VISITED SITE OF THAILAND TODAY?

—STOP ASKING ME! I was fucking minding my own business when you decided you had to cause PERMANENT EAR DAMAGE YOU DICK! It's the SECOND TIME YOU FUCKING WAKE ME UP TODAY!

Eddie held the wrists tightly and leaned over to shout some more in Richie's ears his stupid question.

—What do you think, asshole! Richie whined. I was the fucking Reclined Buddha, peacefully lying on the side, now I'm the fucking Assaulted Buddha, and you're fucking Mara!!!!

—What?

—You're fucking Mara!

—I'm fucking who? Are you talking about Myra? Eddie asked confused, his playful smile slipping off.

—What? Why are you talking about her, Eds?

—Well you said— you said something gross and disgusting, Rich.

—What?

The two men desantangled themselves and sat up on the sittee. Eddie looked crossed and shameful.

—I mean, this isn't even a bath talk, I'm not talking about my sex life Richie, it disgusts me. I mean, I haven't done anything in ages, like, years really. So's fine, but no I'm definitely not fucking Myra now or two years into our fucking marriage, or fucking anyone for that matter. Breeding is repulsive. 

Eddie was talking so fast Richie had a hard time catching everything. Something then clicked.

—Like I know everyone thinks it's so great, but it's not, it's—

—Eddie, Richie said softly. I said "Mara". It's a negative entity in Buddhism that prevents one from reaching enlightenment. Look,

Richie delicately took one of Eddie's hands and guided his palm towards the ceiling, then placed it gently on Eddie's lap.

—This is a fairly common pose for Buddha's sculptures. Maybe you've noticed. 

Richie then took Eddie's other hand and placed it half on top of Eddie's knee.

—See? This hand touches the earth with its fingertips. Buddha calls the earth as a witness and achieves enlightenment. 

Richie looked affectionately at Eddie.

—This pose is called "Buddha defying Mara". I was saying you were Mara because you were challenging me. You know, I was chilling and then you wanted me to get up, quite agressively I must say. Look, I'm sorry man.

—God I'm an idiot… Eddie said mortified. His face contracted as he started crying.

Richie pulled him into a one-arm-hug.

—Hey, let's chill and not go to that fucking Grand Palace. What do you say about going back to the bathroom and putting on some music. I have bluetooth speakers in my luggage, you have a phone, I have spotify, you have fancy silly pants and no I haven't gone through them all, I actually picked the first ones I saw. Do you have more?

—You're silly, Eddie sniffed. Wouldn't be just better to put on swimwear?

—And miss out on the shorts Eds??? You're nuts!!

—There's not an infinite supply of them you know.

—How is that possible? Don't care! We'll go to the mall and buy some more!

Eddie and Richie entered the bathroom laughing like kids. They were both wearing swimsuits; Richie's was a large short with plenty of flowers and Eddie's was plain black. 

—You go first, I'll shave to have baby soft skin just for you, Eddie! Don't think I didn't notice you diiiid.

Eddie passed a hand over his smooth clean shaven skin and started running water with a smirk.

—Hey look Eds!

Eddie turned around and saw Richie had put shaving cream only on his upper lip. 

—I have a gay moustache! 

Richie looked himself in the mirror and couldn't stop laughing for five minutes straight. 

—You're a child.

Richie struggled a little bit with the bluetooth speakers and Eddie's phone, then selected a music with an outstretched grin.

The first strong notes of Carl Orff's Carmina Burana started playing as Richie applied more shaving cream. Eddie burst out laughing and sent Richie's way some hot water.

Eddie handled the tap so the hot water became a slim stream then he climbed over. When Richie finally joined him, it was some fifteen minutes later and the stream was so thin the level of the water hadn't come up much.

—Damn Rich watch out for the knees! 

—Quit whining Eds, I'm doing my best.

—Ouch!

—Eds my fucking leg!! You serious??? It hurts!!

—The fuck you doing Rich, I'm just trying to settle better so you have space! Oh christ I just knocked my elbow… 

—Okay. This isn't working. Let's just get up and sit again.

—Alright.

—What the fuck! My head! Eddie! You fucking knocked my head!

—It's not my fault it's so fucking big.

—What? You put your fucking elbow in my face and it's my fault?

—Your fucking wide face put itself on my injured elbow. How unbecoming of your face, Rich!

Richie snickered while managing to get up.

—Let's just do it like last time. I mean it worked then so it's possible, Eddie said business like all of a sudden.

Richie got out of the tub and retrieved his glasses. He then grabbed a towel before taking Eddie's phone. 

—Why not make a playlist? We alternate one song each till we don't have ideas anymore.

They sat on the side of the tub while passing the phone to and fro. As they settled again, Richie went in first, then Eddie carefully stepped into the tub.

—Ah! At last! Richie said with a deep english-ish voice.

They chilled and talked and chilled and talked and listened to many songs together. The water was warm and making their skin pink.

—I'm too hot. I'm out, Richie said with a sigh.

(let's appreciate the double meaning lmaooooooo)

—Hey, they serve Thai Tea downstairs, I think I need something fresh about right now. Wanna come, Eds?

—Yeah gimme five seconds. And don't call me that, asshole!

Eddie emerged from his room with pastel yellow shorts and a light blue thai shirt.

—Cute cute cute, Eds! Look how adorable you are in this outfit! Here, take my straw hat, it'll look even better.

—I have absolutely no idea what you can find cute in a forty-year-old man, Eddie said, taking the hat. He handed one of his bob to Richie who put it on top of his head with a flourish.

—How do I look? Richie asked with one of his goofy smiles.

His hair and skin was still damp from the bath, just like Eddie. He wore a white short sleeved shirt with a red heart on top of his breast pocket and water green pair of shorts. The cream colored bob made the flush of his cheeks even more noticeable, and his tan was making his eyes so blue it made Eddie smile. Richie looked like one of those Frenchmen from the south that would propose to drink liquor anytime of the day with a big smile and a throaty voice.

—The hat's about the only thing that looks good, Eddie smirked.

They ordered iced Thai tea on a terrasse. The drinks were ice cold and so good Richie ordered another one pretty quickly. Eddie took a picture of their tea and sent it to the Losers conversation. Ben reacted almost instantly with a loving emoji face.

—'What about a video call now?' Ben says, he also says Bev's sleeping.

Eddie pushed the call button and smiled widely when Ben's face appeared on screen. 

—Hey Ben! How is it on your side of the planet? Richie said as he dragged along a chair and sat next to Eddie.

—It's… dark, and, in the middle of the night, Richie.

—What are you doing anyway? You've got flour on your face, man, Eddie said.

Ben blushed with a smile and wiped off a random spot of his face with his apron.

—I'm trying to cook something for Beverly, for when she wakes up tomorrow morning. Well, I'm trying to bake, really, not cook. I think I'll do a decent job about it.

—The perfect loving husband you are! Richie cooned.

—What about you guys? Seems like you're having fun!

—We are! Eddie nodded. 'Xcept when I thought it would be a good idea to go run some miles. It was awful, I thought we were gonna keel over and drown in our own sweat.

—Yeah, awful! Richie agreed. And I'm not even talking about the heat of the sun. It's the clouds, it feels like they fill your lungs with humidity and moist your skin with sweat even when it's not raining. How do you think you can run when the air you are sucking is like smothering your lungs? Huh?

—Why don't you guys go run on the white sand beach? So when you're too hot you can just dive and totally freshen up.

—You've always been the smart one, Ben, Eddie and Richie said.

Ben laughed humbly and moved stuff on the table. He looked up, his gaze fixed on something off screen and his smile softened.

—Did I wake you up? He asked.

A hand grabbed him by the collar and pulled him into a quick kiss.

—What are you doing? Is that Eddie and Richie? Yeaaaah I thought I heard Richie's whiny voice.

—Honey, it's not whinny, it's manly. What do you say, Eddie?

—I say it's fucking bitchy.

—What? You ALL turn against me? Well, thank you Ben for defending my honor.

—Are you feeling emasculated, because it's okay, you have the right to have a manly whiny bitchy voice, Trashmouth. Beverly smiled and put an arm around Ben.

—Honey, don't embarrass the poor lad, can't you see he's on a date?

—That's right, how's your honeymoon guys? Ours is great!

—Oh it's awesome so far, Richie replied. We went to visit Wat Pho!

—Yeah there's a gigantic Buddha lying on the side made of gold there. It's something like 'forty-meters long' if I remember correctly, and wait for it guys, Richie said it wasn't as long as his d—

—I said this golden monster had nothing to impress my jewels with.

Eddie glared.

—And?

—And that it was beautiful.

—And?

—And that you looked cute?

—And?

—And that it wasn't as long as my dick yeah.

Two more iced tea passed in front of Richie before the friends wished goodnight to the lovers. Eddie was sipping an iced mocha and Richie was happily telling him all about the Chatuchak market and how it attracted 200 000 visitors a day and how it was one of the largest markets of the whole world.

Eddie didn't realise he was smiling until Richie asked him what he was smiling about.

—You read an awful lot of brochure on the plane, didn't you?

—Don't be such a dick, I grabbed all I could at the tourist office as if the booklets were tits!

Eddie and Richie wandered through the streets, amazed about everything they saw. Some young asians took photos with them because they were westerners, which was weird, but the duo decided not to mind. They did look out of place.

The friends picked savory chicken brochettes and other cheap street food that smelled as delicious as it tasted. Richie even saw beautifully dressed brochettes with only grilled vegetables. He bit on one enthusiastically and was amazed at the taste, and urged Eddie to taste it. Eddie obliged and angled his head so he could take a bite. As he chew, his face contorted into a pained grimace and he immediately put a hand over it as if it were wounded.

—That's fucking chili pepper!!!

It's only then Eddie realised Richie had been pretending not to feel the pain.

—What? Richie tried to say innocently even though his face did weird stuff. I'm sure it's sweet pepper, or is it tomato? I'm sorry you got the wrong side of the brochette.

—Fuck you! You're gonna be sorry you're on the wrong side of…. of…

Eddie struggled to find something to be on the wrong side of that wasn't the law. Eventually, he got flustered and repeated 'fuck you!' with as much contempt as he could muster.

Richie's face was red and tears of pain ran from his brow.

—I'M ON FIRE! Richie screamed.

—Fuck you dude! 

—Come on Eds, you know you love me too. Cm'here! 

Richie motioned for Eddie to get closer but Eddie slapped his hand away. 

—Cm'here, Eds ! 

—You just go fuck yourself! 

—Oooooh that's not a very nice thing to say to the love of your life. 

—Fuck off! 

Richie just smiled and forced a one armed hug on Eddie. 

—Awww your hair smells so good! 

—Get your big fat face away from my clean hair! You're gonna get filth on- DUDE did you just kiss the top of my head??!!! 

—Eddie my love! You were being so cute! 

Eddie managed to get away and frowned again. 

—God that chili is burning my mouth. It fucking hurts. 

—Want me to kiss it better? 

—You wish, Trashmouth. 

The duo spotted some sort of ice cream stand and ran to it as if they were escaping hellfire. They ordered the strange looking ice cream with eager eyes. A layer of creamy milk was laid on a flat metal surface. Two spatulas manipulated the liquid quickly so it made an even flat square. Then, a strawberry was put in the middle, and the sharp spatula made some sort of Kung fu botte secrète to mix it in with the milk. Then, the liquid that had started to solidify was efficiently stretched again into a flat square. The cook split the square in several parts, and rolled the bits of thin ice cream with on swift move of spatula. 

—It's, it's fucking rolled ice cream! This guy did it in like forty seconds! Look! It looks like fucking roses or something. 

Eddie was in awe of his ice cream pot while Richie was in awe of something else. They tasted their rolled ice cream and found it delicious, obviously. That much skill could only make simple stuff delicious.

—Why not go to the mall today? We just have to grab a taxi I guess, Eddie proposed. Richie nodded. They set to find said taxi and ended up taking the skytrain instead. The roads were so busy beneath their feet it looked like an anthill made of thousands of red lights. The skytrain brought them to downtown Bangkok. Richie and Eddie alighted at Asok BTS Skytrain Station and used the skywalk to reach Terminal 21, one of the biggest shopping malls of the capital.

—And we're supposed to do things big… Richie remarked. Look at that, it says Terminal 21 has an eight-screened cinema complex and a fitness gym on the 6th floor.

—Give me my phone back, why not just enjoy the experience for ourselves?

Eddie and Richie saw several floors of the Airport themed supermall together before splitting up. The duo had given a rendezvous point two hours later at gateway G, Rome.

Eddie was waiting next to Gateway G's escalators, a few bags of shopping in hands. He looked at his watch and counted every minute Richie didn't show up.

—Eeeeeddiiiiiiie!!! A freak wearing a flowery kimono and a japanese traditional hat called in a nasal voice.

—Hell no... Eddie sighed to himself.

—Eds! Home sweet home, darling!

—What the fuck is wrong with you, man. And why are you wearing that?

—I bought it in Tokyo's fourth street. There were japanese lanterns everywhere! It was so beautiful! And then my eyes fell on it. Here you go!

Richie thrust a bag in Eddie's face who struggled to catch it with his otherwise occupied hands. Inside the bag was a yellow kimono with blue spiralling waves sewed with a silk thread. Richie himself was wearing a black kimono sporting plenty of sakura flowers and petals ever-spiralling in nice shades of pink.

—We'll go well together!

Eddie laughed and chose not to wear the kimono in a fucking airport looking mall. They took again the skytrain with the arms full of Richie's gifts and then climbed aboard a took took taxi. Eventually, the two men reached the apartment and collapsed in their rooms. When Eddie had recharged his mental and physical battery, he stepped out of his room and put on the coffee table a box of Turkish delights. Richie found him settled on the comfy armchair some 30 minutes later.

—Oh what is that? It looks yummy! Richie said pointing at the light crimson square sweets covered in starch.

—These are Turkish delights, Richie. I think it's called lokum. Haven't you seen that movie where the kid sells the welfare of his family for these? I've been dying to know what it taste like, so here we go.

—Wait, you waited for me to taste it even though you've been dying to know? Richie asked surprised.

—Don't feel so special, Eddie snapped. I wanted to have the sweets served with tea.

—We don't have tea, Eddie.

Eddie flushed and opened his mouth to retort some smart reply but Richie started speaking again.

—Why don't I go to the store while you relax? I'll be back soon and we'll have tea to go with the sweets, or, or maybe it's the other way around I've no idea.

Richie left and blew an amused kiss in Eddie's direction. Climbing the three stores back to get to the apartment's threshold had started becoming easy. He was whistling a random tune when he opened the door.

—I hope these 'plastic free' tea bags will be to your liking, it's— Eddie? What is it? Is something wrong?

Something definitely was wrong. Eddie's face was livid as he stared at his screen.

Richie closed the door and looked worriedly at his friend.

—Is it, is it Myra? Are the Losers fine? Did something happen to one of the Losers?

Eddie wasn't responding. Richie took it upon himself to cross the distance and drop to one knee to peek at the phone. His arms were already closing reassuringly around Eddie's shoulder but as soon as his eyes landed on the screen, Richie backed away as if burnt.

FLASH NEWS  
TRASHMOUTH TOZIER GAY. WHO IS HIS MYSTERIOUS MAN?


	3. Chapter 3

FLASH NEWS **TRASHMOUTH TOZIER GAY. WHO IS HIS MYSTERIOUS MAN?  
**

The couple was spotted in the heart of Bangkok, dating in plain sight for all to see. Here are some revealing pics. The mysterious man, called "Eddie darling" by the comedian himself is apparently Eddie Kaspbrak, a handsome forty-year-old that escaped his unfulfilling marriage to a woman in favor of an exciting liaison with Trashmouth Tozier.

It is unknown yet if the whole ordeal is an adulterous affair or if the couple is beyond reproach. What is certain on the other hand, is the nature of their relationship. Mr. Tozier uncharastically claimed himself to be Mr. Kaspbrak's "love of his life".

Is it possible Trashmouth's heart has belonged to this man for as long as he did his shows? 

A picture showing Richie holding Eddie in his arms and kissing the top of his head was spread on the page, mocking them. In a smaller frame of the article, Eddie was shown taking a bite from Richie's brochette.

—Oh god… Richie choked. He slowly walked to the sofa and fell hard on his ass before putting his head in his hands. He was seriously considering running away because he felt  _ sick _ . A noise stopped him.

It was Eddie's phone. The number of the Devil itself was flashing on the screen. With grim determination, Eddie answered.  


_ —What the fuck do you think you're doing hanging up like that you massive piece of GAY SHITE.  What, you got something else to do like SUCKING D— _

Eddie tightened his grip on the phone and screamed in the speakers that he didn't owe Myra anything because they weren't married anymore.

_ —That's not what my lawyer says! Dirtbag! And to say you soiled and contaminated my body— _

Eddie hung up. His face was as white as a sheet of paper and his hands trembling slightly.

—She's… she's suing me. For... long-lasting adultery during marriage? And... she's suing… she's suing you... for alienation of affection. I… it's all in the papers, how you never was known to have a girlfriend and how we were hiding our relationship for all these years. Myra told them how I only pleased her with other parts of my body, but not, not down south.

Eddie felt sickened and muttered a 'glad that part is over though'.

Richie stared at his hands, lost. Eddie frowned.

—She's filing a lawsuit against us, Richie.

Richie kept silent. His lips seemed sealed in concrete.

—She's filing a lawsuit, Richie! Dammit say something!

—I…

Richie tried to speak but the words couldn't get out, wouldn't come out.

—I… I'm…

—Say something!!! Eddie got up angrily and stared at his friend with hard eyes. 

—I'm sorry Eddie… I really am. I, I didn't mean for any of this to happen! I, I'm…

Eddie's face passed from edgy to concerned in an instant.

—It's just… the press, they're real sharks. I don't know how to deal with that, and and, and your fucking mentally ill ex-wife, she's not a shark, she's a fucking white shark! No! Shes', she's a whale! But not one of the nice blue ones, she's one of those that have fucking teeth longer than my dick! She's a killer whale! Sharks and an overweight killer whale! That's just so great. I, I-I don't think I can deal with the two issues at the same time, Eddie. I'd drown before being eaten.

Richie lifted pitiful eyes towards his friend and realised if he didn't laugh in this moment, no one would and then it would really be sad for both of them… so Richie tried to smile but it lasted a second before his face crumbled to a mess of tears. He thrust his head in his hands again and started sobbing. 'Shit' he said repeatedly.

Eddie went to his side and took him in his arms.

—Come on Rich, your Niagara Falls imitation is not on point, Eddie tried to joke.

Through his tears, Richie spilled some laughter and Eddie took that opportunity to guide Richie's head so he would look him in the eyes.

—Fuck them. Fuck them all. The sharks, the psychotic killer whale, fuck them. I mean, God knows I didn't! Fuck them. Who cares. You can make jokes about it, write your own material. God knows Myra is a seriously great candidate for laughing stock with how much fucked up she is. You like to laugh about fat people! That's spot on! Even more funny she's an abusive bitch! And, I'm sorry for her, but she's basically got no proof at all to file a freaking lawsuit. She'll just lose money. And _ that's funny _ . Heeeey losing money faster than losing weight!

Their was a pause in Richie's mind. Eddie? Eddie tried to joke? In a crisis? Yeah, that's about right.  


—How could I ever go on without you, Eddie? Richie muttered in awe.  


—You couldn't! Cause I'm a 'handsome forty-year-old'. So apparently it means I got the dilf vibe too, ha!

Eddie got up and went to his room to fetch something. Richie just stayed on the sofa with a dazed expression gracing his features. He was in deep, damn.

—Let's go! Let's go do something fun! like, like urban exploring! Eddie exclaimed, coming back with his arms full of bottles of water and a backpack.

—What? 

—Let's go I said! We're not gonna wallow in sorrow here!

—But.. they could take other pictures, Eds… A dark look took residence on Richie's face. In most cases, you can't prove that something is real _or_ isn't real... I know because I do it in my shows to play the ignorant American, it goes like this:  


Eddie cut him off.

—So what! We're not gonna stop living for christ's sake.

Eddie closed the distance and kneeled next to Richie.

—Listen, I've stopped living for 27 years. I'm not gonna stop now that I've got my life back.

Eddie took Richie's hand and dragged him to the door and down the three stores.

—HEEELLOOOOO WOOOORLD! I ACTUALLY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK! Eddie shouted. COME ON RICH! So the same it'll make you feel better. I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!  


—Hum, sorry, Richie said to the poor bystanders that stared at them with fear in their eyes.

It turned out Eddie had been serious about the urban exploration thing, so he and Richie caught the Bangkok skytrain again and stopped at Saphan Taksin Station, then walked down Soi Charoen Krung 51 following internet directions on Eddie's phone.

—That's it, we're here.  _ The Ghost Tower _ .

—I don't know why the fuck you would want to go in there especially since it's like literally a place Pennywise would enjoy lurking in. What if there's a Thai Pennywise? What if it's like, Somchai the laughing clown or, or Piyapong the ice cream vendor?

—We wouldn't be scared of it. Plus, look, there's a little group than can make a sacrificial bunch so we can escape nice and easy.

Richie peeked quickly at the few tourists.

—Alright. So what, we join them?

—Yeah, I think so. 

Two men and a woman were already trying to bribe the Thai man that held the keys to the Sathorn Unique Tower, a huge abandoned skyscraper that was never finished in the 90s. The structure made of reinforced concrete looked raw and decrepit. Stains of unknown source marred the tower as if it were oxidizing like an apple. Yup, Eddie wanted to climb that.

—Up. We want to go up, Eddie said gesturing to the sky. Please sir, up.

—Noki.

—Let us in please, we would like to make the climb, Richie said joining his hands.

But the man kept repeating 'no key' and shaking his head.

—Oh, uh, kráp. Kráp, Eddie tried to say rolling the r.

—Looks like you're saying 'crap', Richie cracked up.

—Please, up. Eddie tried again. 

Richie pulled out several bills and coins worth at least 900 bahts and put it in the man's hands. (28 dollars)

They were let in with the foreigners and told they could look from the outside.

—You sure they're gonna let us climb? They're saying it's not possible, Richie muttered. This guy's shaking his head like mad.

—Yeah, let's give them some more money. I read it was possible to make the climb by being polite and stubborn.

The whole basement floor looked like something out of a terrorist hideout  or an enormous version of the space underneath the bridge near your home where there are hobos and ugly graffiti. 

There were countless load-bearing walls and large spots of wetness on the floor here and there. It was gigantic.

—Let's watch a little bit then ask to go up.

—Damn Eds, Richie said after a while. This man is not gonna open us the staircase. Maybe he doesn't even have the damn keys.

Eddie sniffed with contempt.

—Let's walk and see if we can pass somewhere. People've done it. This place is vast and this guy's not gonna follow us. There are probably urban visitors waiting in the middle of the street outside of the sheet of metal. You know, he'll get more bahts without  _ really  _ infringing the law.

—What da fuck, Eds? You nuts? You fucking bananas? You wanna climb through that fucking elevator shaft??? Richie exclaimed a few minutes later.

There was a gaping hole inside one of the walls where a shadow as black as the night was engulfing everything. You know, the kind of space where an elevator should be.

—There's a rope and a makeshift ladder. People've done it before, I'm telling you. We just have to bypass a little bit, it'll be fine once we walk on the current ceiling.

—What, what about fucking tetanus rotting that metal rod?? Eddie?? What about it???

—See? We made it.

—There are fucking holes  _ in  _ the floor, Eds.  _ Holes _ , where there was no ceiling above our heads earlier. You're  _ nuts _ . Eddie! There's no fucking floor there, look! Oh my, these walls are so raw Gordon Ramsay would have a heart-attack. What the fuck are we doing here.

The atmosphere of the Sathorn Unique Tower was exactly that: unique. Infinite hallways lighted only by unbuilt doors and windows stretched in front of Richie and Eddie. Dark, light, dark, light, shadows embraced them at each opening in the walls. Wild dry grass was growing in yellow patches in some areas where the sun could touch them. 

Eddie and Richie finally found stairs that looked too thin to support a man. They started the long ascension. When finally, finally they arrived at the top of the 49 stories unfinished skyscraper, most of the bottles of water were empty and the view that greeted them was breathtaking. 

—We really made it, Eddie! Richie said happily. I didn't really wanna tell you it wasn't possible because it would've made you all sad and you'd've made your kicked-out puppy face.

Richie tried his best to make the cute frown and was lightly shoved away by Eddie's hand landing on his face.

—I'm glad we came up here, you know? It's quiet, fun,  dangerous and not safe , and I wanted to be just with you. Not with the problems that came knocking at the door.

—Oh, Eds… Richie looked at Eddie with so much fondness. You're making the kicked-out puppy face just now! Richie laughed.

—Shut up! You suck so much, dude! Your face is so wide it can fit the whole of a football players team's dicks in your mouth at the same time!

Richie burst out laughing. When they made the climb down, took the BTS skytrain and reached home, they still had the beautiful panorama of the city in mind and these precious moments with it, too.

—Richie, you really need to get a phone back, Eddie had said, sighing like a disappointed parent.

—Oh yeah, I actually bought one at the mall. I'm just not sure how ordering a new SIM card works here.

—Well at least you can chat with the Losers with a connection sharing or the wi-fi. Boy are they running wild. 

—'That so? Why not make a video call tonight? Or do like a live stream, I don't want to deal with a sort of come back later and see people've assumed about the worst things possible.

—Like, you're a manipulative bitch that, that lured me out of marriage? Eddie snorted.

—Yeah, I dunno, something like that. 

Richie went to his room and brought his laptop on the sofa.

—You brought your fucking laptop, Rich? There's, there's fucking  _ wi-fi  _ here, why didn't you go on the Loser's conversation?

—I don't know, I didn't really wanna see social media. I did a break from that at least a month before we came here.

—Yeah, I know but… whatever. What are you doing? Are you doing like a public statement?

—Fuck no, Richie laughed.

The comedian was grinning at his screen and typing some stuff excitedly. Eddie became too curious so he went to sit next to his friend.

—Oh my god, Eddie said giggling. You serious?

Richie was making memes out of the so called incriminating shots.

—You're gonna post that? 

—Sure!

—I wanna do memes too, now.

—Help yourself! It'll be like a contest!

—Wait. Can you hold a lokum to my mouth? I need to take that pic.

Eddie posted the picture with the following captions:

Richie looking eager to put the lokum in Eddie's mouth - MAGAZINE FRONT COVERS 

The balerina pink lokum in Richie's fingers -  TWO DILFS 

Eddie opening up his mouth - YOU'RE REPRESSED GAY GOSSIP CRAVINGS

  
  


It was worth it. Richie laughed about it for two minutes straight. Less than thirty minutes later, Ben had retweeted other memes and so had Mike and Bill. Finally, a few hours later, all the losers were available to make the improvised vlog.

LIVE INTERVIEW WITH RICHIE TOZIER. WHAT IS HAPPENING? GIVE US THE ANSWERS!!! WE ARE THIRSTY, MAN!!!!!!  


—Okay so, Eddie and I got ourselves a nice cuppa because, it's four in morning, and we're tired.

—Yeah, it's, it's black tea. Richie bought it today. Plastic free, because you don't necessarily know it, but your tea bags actually have hum, polypropylene in it, which is basically a fancy word for plastic, which is not recyclable or biodegradable. And, your regular tea bag releases billions of plastic microparticles into your tea, and nano—

Richie started snoring loudly. Eddie sent a death glare his way.

—Fuck you!  _ You  _ actually bought it, not me!

—Relaaaaaaaaaax, let's just get the Losers on line.

A cacophony of greetings echoed from the speakers and finished with a shy "Hi" from Ben.

—Let's just make a tour of the people here, Richie said.

Each of the Losers presented themselves. When it was Mike's turn, he smiled at his cam and said he was one of the only nobodies of the group with Eddie.

—Yeah that's right, Eddie agreed. Bev's like this famous fashion designer, Ben a renowned architect, wait, Stan is a nobody, too!

—Who said it was bad? Stan asked with a smirk. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not the one being photographed with my childhood friend and plastered on the front magazines. Oh, look who's here, say hi, Mike.

—Indeed, we are in the same room. He is situated in the kitchen and I'm on the far end of the sittee. I didn't think our cover would be blown so quickly, how unfortunate.

—Oh,  _ Mike _ … how could you do that? And  _ Stan _ , Richie said falsely shocked. What about Patty? 

—I'm right heeere, Mr. Trashmouth. Yes, I am in the kitchen, which you told me was my place last time I saw you, remember?

The group chatted for about fifteen minutes before Bev urged Richie to read the questions from the twitch.

—Oh, right, that's why we're here in the first place. So, "Why are Bill Denbrough's ending so bad?" Oh, that one's for you Bill! Care to answer?

—That's a nice question, hem, crowleysucker666, and you know what? Let's be real. After so much build-up on a thousand pages book or even more for a series, everything falls short for the reader. No matter what I write you'll never be satisfied. It's like Sherlock or Game of Thrones final series. You want it, you want more but you're not ready to like it.

—That was deep, man, Richie said. Next question, someone read it out, please? He said improvising himself as journalist. 

—Little-chopped-onions says, "Why are you guys calling yourselves the Losers even though you're clearly a bunch of very successful people?" And, "for how long have you known each other?" read Beverly. That kinda goes together. We became friends when we were kids. It was first Eddie and Bill, then Eddie and Bill and Ben, and so on and so forth. We were all being bullied at school for a reason or other. 

—Yeah, the reason didn't really matter, we were treated like misfits that needed to be tormented by hardcore bullies, agreed Stan. It was another time, that's for sure.

—You used to go birdwatching for hours, Stan, remembers Ben fondly. And I would spend all my time reading everything about architecture in the library. What kid would do that today?

—"You guys are avoiding the question. To Eddie and Richie, are you a couple?" Richie read. Oooooh we wouldn't want to spoil the fun and answer this already!

The voices of Mike and Stan started talking in whispers. "They're totally dating", Mike was saying. "Yes that's for sure, they just don't know it."

—I'm, we hear you guys, Richie said.

—Are you two a couple? Stan asked.

—We're a couple, Richie agreed.  Of friends . "People don't kiss friends like that, Mr. Tozier", oh yeah, bookgirl50? But look how cute Eddie is, who wouldn't do it! Look! Richie said pinching Eddie's chick as if the man was the cutest thing he had ever seen.

Wow that's firm denial.

Oh boy he's in love.

Look at the face Eddie is making! He's a cutie bean!

Oh my god Richie is so adorable, I have a crush on him.

What should we call it? Edchie? ;))))))  


I don't think there's actually anything other than friendship between them. People are seeing what they want to see.

Trashmouth is head over hills for this guy. Yup, it's a one-sided. The best for fanfictions!!!!!!

I wish someone would look at me the way Richie Tozier looks at Eddie Kaspbrak. 

Trashmouth gay? When hell freezes over and pigs fly, sure.

Beverly Marsh is so chill.

I LOVE YOUR SHOWS RICHIE NO MATTER IF YOU'RE GAY OR NOT I LOVE YOU.

Will you marry me Ben???

I love the chemistry between Mike and Stan. They seem like genuinely cool guys.

Why am I in love with a straight man?

Hello from Denmark!!!

I should be studying, instead I'm watching that. What am I doing with my life?

—"We haven't heard Eddie's view on the question lmao, is that a non-denial? Did he cheat on his wife or what", Eddie read with contempt.

—With undue respect, this is so fucked up. I don't see how it's the business of anybody whom Trashmouth shit hangs out with or dates. I love Richie just like you love him, guys, huffed Eddie. Even if we were fucking married and had three wonderful kids! I don't see how the fuck it could ruin your day so much so you actually  _ had _ to bitch about it everywhere on social media.

Eddie shoved a lokum in his mouth angrily.

—And concerning my ex-wife, god knows I don't wish her any good right now, but we've been married for nineteen years, which, I'm sorry to inform you, is older than your sorry ass, Sasukeyy7. You'd fucking understand that some stories are not meant to be even though you thought it could last a lifetime in the first place because you were young and dumb.

Eddie was fuming. His speed of speech rose words after words.

—But I'll tell you what's fucking breaking news! Not all stories are bound to last forever. Maybe you'll understand if you marry someone you ignorant child. 

—It's okay Eddie, you don't have to talk if it upsets you, Richie said concerned.

_ Ooooh kitty got claws _ … Flawwwlesss wrote.  _ He's so triggered lmao. Something to hide? _

—Listen you little random shit. In the eventuality you do get married, probably to Sasukeyy7, you would understand there's a routine in being married, and if you're a fucking decent person — which you are not — then cheating is a ridiculous notion. _ I asked for a divorce because I wanted out.  _ Not because I wanted to see someone else. Kindly never speak of my neurotic ex-wife again unless you want to make me feel empty and washed out all over again. If you married the wrong person or fell out of love, and you actually respected yourself and the person that shared your life for nineteen fucking years, then you would do the right call.

Richie took Eddie's hand in his and passed his thumb soothingly over the back of his hand a few times before retreating in the brozone.

—I'm gonna make myself another tea, Rich. Want something? Eddie asked while getting up tensely.

—Same as you, Eduardo, Richie said to lighten the mood. 

—Don't call me that you wanker.

Richie smiled at Eddie's intense-like mode. Some things never changed, indeed.


	4. Chapter 4

Later, when they ended the call, Eddie slouched on the armchair. He was so tired, but at the same time he couldn't bring himself to sleep just yet.

—You look like a mess, Richie said with a small smile.

—It actually really made me laugh earlier, but now it just suddenly dawns on me that no one should have to talk about their relationships. I don't care if an artist is gay, why should they have to make a statement about it? I don't care if they are heterosexual, either!

Richie didn't answer.

—You… you seem tense, he eventually said. Maybe you should just chill a little bit. I feel better now that that stupid stream is done. Aaaaaw Eds, stop making that upset cute face, it makes me sad! 

Eddie just kept looking at Richie with a frown, then sighed and slouched even more on the armchair.

—Do you wanna do some bath talk, Eds?

—Mmmmh… why not, maybe we'll sleep better after a bath.

Here they were again, hot steam slowly billowing above their heads. The warm water felt like a gentle embrace. This time, they didn't put music on and focused instead on the comfort the bath provided. Richie was glancing at the steam in a contemplating manner.

—It's true what they said, Richie said out of the blue.

—That you're having an affair with me? Eddie deadpanned.

—Don't joke about it you little shit, Richie said looking away. You're my friend, I should be able to tell you stuff like that. Not to the world, just to you.

Richie's insecure eyes locked on Eddie's. 

—I… I just don't want things to change between us, Eddie. It's already perfect as it is.

Eddie put his hand on Richie's in a gesture of affection.

They exited the bathroom and right after saying goodnight, Eddie hugged Richie tightly. Lying on his bed, Richie cried silently. He was so happy Eddie was his friend.

Nothing shifted drastically in their relationship after that. Richie kept doing crude remarks supposed to be funny and Eddie always retorted some dry or very rude things. Richie still called Eddie all kinds of names including Eddie my love, he still called him cute too and still blew him kisses from time to time, but there were no more occasional kisses on Eddie's hair. Richie kept his distance, and their was now a dimension of what was appropriate and what wasn't.

They visited the National Thai Museum and took an entire day to finally see the Grand Palace. 

—I'm glad we're here. I just feel, whole, you know, Eddie said watching the wooden shacks that marred the side of the Chai Phraya River. Children were playing in the water as the ferries gently crossed the river.

—I'm really glad, too. It feels a little bit childish though, escaping the working world, going on a trip with your favorite persons and just be able to breathe, Richie said.

—I think with our fucked up childhoods and the It nightmare lived for a second time, we all have the damn right to take a well-deserved break don't you think?

Eddie and Richie watched the bits of island popping up in their fields of view. Fancy hotels with upscale resorts on one side and shaby dwellings on the other. Richie ordered a cocktail as soon as they set foot on land. 

—The dream feels more real now, he winked.

—I wouldn't drink if I were you with that heat.

—It think it's just fruits, like you're mango juice from last time.

—It was guava juice.

Richie looked adoringly at Eddie.

—So, looking forward to this Thai massaaaage?

—I don't know. I don't think I'm comfortable with people touching my body…

—But you said it was okay before we left, did you just want to make me happy? It was bathtalk, Eddie. You should be truthful during bathtalks. 

—What? No I wanna do it, I'm just saying I don't really have any pleasant past experiences with people touching my body, like I dunno a mom stroking their child's hair, so it is kinda my right to feel apprehensive, right?

Richie looked at Eddie sceptically.

—There's actually a line between 'being uncomfortable' and 'being apprehensive', which is it, Eds? There's no wrong answer.

—I… no I think it's gonna be okay. I'm fine.

—Just say it clearly if you don't want to.

—I'm not a fucking teenager you have to reassure before their first time, Trashmouth! Eddie said angrily. And I'm not broken, okay? Stop acting as if there was something wrong with me!

Richie was taken aback.

—Geez Eddie I'm not trying to infantilize you, chill the fuck down. If it wasn't some kind of important issue for you, why would you be so upset over it? I'm gonna take another drink, Richie said brooding.

—God I miss Ben, he mumbled to himself. He'd understand. Fuck it. He looked at the drinks menu and dutifully ordered.

Eddie watched Richie get away and take a walk by one of the wooden paths raised above water. The man looked miserable. Eddie sighed and ordered the same thing he did, which was according to the menu made out of basil, syrup, vodka, citrus, pomelo and black pepper.

—What do you want, Eddie? Richie asked. He was sending the 'I'm annoyed leave me alone' vibe.

—I wanted to apologise. I felt vulnerable and so I kinda lashed out at you for basically no reason. I'm sorry.

Richie's face didn't brighten up.

—I don't want a Thai massage anymore, Eddie, the mood's passed, he said annoyed.

—Too bad, I really wanted one, Eddie said with a smile. 

Richie nursed his drink in his hands while looking suspiciously at Eddie. 

—Here, Eddie said.

Two tickets for an hour of massage were in his hands.

—Thanks for looking out for me, Richie. It means a lot. Now, as you always say, 'relaaaaaaax'.

—I don't sound like that! You don't need to pinch your nose, I'm not a fucking duck, Eds!

—Keep telling you that, Rich, maybe it'll come true.

Eddie was relieved when he saw Richie come out of his shell and smile at him. It was such a becoming smile, Eddie felt a nice warmth engulf him and immediately felt dread at the prospect of seeing Richie isolate himself again. A normal Richie was meant to crack jokes and laugh about dicks and fat people. A downcast Richie that avoided people and withdrew from him wasn't right. It wasn't right at all.

—Well Eduardo, I hope you're gonna enjoy it at least half as much as I will! Richie grinned at him before disappearing behind light curtains that made do for a fitting room. Eddie went inside one of the fitting cubicles too and undressed to his swimwear. He felt silly putting the white towel around his waist as shown in the instruction drawings but did it anyways. Eddie sighed and pushed aside the curtain. Richie was already getting onto one of the massage tables. He too, had a towel snuggly tucked around his waist. His tanned marks were ridiculous, the man was white where his shirt and lycra pants had been the day they went running. His feet too were white, the line that marked the top of his socks was so straight it was laughable. But Eddie did not laugh. Eddie just stared.

Richie spotted him and waved with a goofy smile. Eddie instantly felt a rush of warmth go over his face and down his back, even around his throat. It was alarming. He tried to shake the feeling off and smiled at Richie.

—It's my body that's gonna do a massage to her hands, Richie said smugly, settling on his stomach.

—Sure thing, Richie, sure thing.

—Hey since it's the version for the tourists they propose to use some oil. I don't know what to chose, Richie said thoughtfully. Oil or no oil? That is the question.

—I've never heard of a massage without oil… Eddie replied, settling on the massage table next to Richie's. I think they propose the oil for a reason, it must be too harsh without. It's like, the dishes here. Everything's full of freaking chili pepper! but they don't put much when it's for the tourists. Thais are clearly hardcore on a daily basis.

—And we're not??? Like, who faced willingly a motherfucking alien clown? That's us, we're, we're hardcore, we're b-, we're badass, yeah, we're badass tourists. Let's do it the hardcore way.

Two minutes into the massage, Richie had to stop and ask for some oil. This shit was so painful. He felt like his spine had been misplaced, bruised and put back again in the middle of his back. God, all his nerves were on fire, this lady was crushing his muscles with the tip of her elbows. Wait, did she fucking intend on breaking his ribs or what? Richie peeked at Eddie, whose body seemed completely relaxed while receiving the massage. 

—Everything's fine for you, Eds? He croaked.

Eddie shushed him.

—What the fuck are you shushing me for???

—Shut it, dipshit. Some of us are actually enjoying the massage. And quit whining.

—You don't fucking have Jacky Chan on your back! Otherwise you would be screaming in p—

Eddie shushed him again. One of his arms was being stretched backwards. It looked like a fucking Jiu-Jitsu arm lock and Richie briefly wondered if it wasn't actually one. Then he heard the crunching quality of a snapping noise. Richie looked up and saw with terror Eddie's masseuse was cracking one by one his fingers. Oh merciful Lord…

Richie's wrist was slowly but surely twisted to its limit then all his arm followed until his shoulder almost cracked.

Craack!

He muffled a whimper and grew pale with dread when his pinkie finger was seized. One by one, all his joints felt like they were popping out. It was a living nightmare. Probably sensing his discomfort, the masseuse adapted her massage and Richie couldn't have been more grateful. When it was over, he was sure to tip her a lot for her foresight.

—God I feel worse than after a beating, Richie said passing a hand through his hair.

—Really? It wasn't that bad, was it?

—Yes it was. I get it now, it's either you hate it or you love it. Tell me what was so relaxing about all this kung fu torture?

—Ooooh you're exaggerating now, Eddie said with a fond smile. I just don't feel tense anymore, it's like my body is free from a weight I didn't know it was bearing. It's exactly the sensation you have after getting out of a nice long bath.

Richie scoffed.

—No way it has anything remotely— how could it ever be related to— maybe I just don't like bone deep massage. I just don't manage to wrap my head around the concept. It really hurt. 

—Yes, but it was to loosen up any stiffness you might have in your muscles. You just feel better afterwards. At least, I do. Maybe you should just go chill in the tub when we get back to the apartment.

—Naaah, there's only four days left, let's just enjoy the trip and try everything we can. Anyway, I didn't book that bicycle tour for nothing, Richie said with a tired grin.

—You what? We're gonna go biking?

—Yup! It'll be cool, come on, follow me! We don't wanna be late!

—I'm pretty sure we didn't have those, back in the days… Eddie said as he secured his helmet on his head.

—Aaaaaw you look so cute, Eds! I wanna kiss you!

Eddie rolled his eyes.

They ventured along canals, backstreets, past temples, away from the bustling Bangkok. The ride was delightful; Eddie and Richie glided along quiet alleys, most of the time above water. It just felt surreal, being back on a bike just like when they were kids. Richie managed to throw him water straight in the face. Eddie bitched about it for ages even though the heat made a splash of water very welcome. When evening fell, the day had gone so quickly Eddie couldn't believe it was already this late.

Four days later, he thought the same thing about the end of the trip. Had it really been three weeks since their arrival in Thailand?

—Time sure flies when you have fun, isn't that so? Richie said as they entered the airport.

—Yes, I was thinking exactly the same thing. 

—Awwww Eds, I'll be all alone for my flight home, Mr. I'm a New Yorker not a Californian. Tell me, what's your top three movies, Eduardo?

—I.. I don't have a favorite film. I haven't thought about it.

—What? That's like so sad… Well, I guess I'll have to watch mine then!

It's only when Richie said bye as he boarded his plane that Eddie realised he hadn't asked what were the three movies.

—So loooooong!! Richie waved before turning his back and going up the alley that lead to the plane.

Eddie wouldn't see him for eight months. But that, he didn't know.   
The trip back home was uneventful for Eddie. Even resuming his life, going back to work in a different state and moving out again felt monotonous. Yes, settling after Derry Chapter Two was unexciting.   
As expected, there was no court of appeal concerning his so-called affair during marriage. Myra ended up spending more money trying to litigate than having an actual compensation. Eddie wanted to laugh about it but didn't have the strength. He felt tired, spent, it was as if his marriage had started all over again…

Bill invited Eddie and Mike to spend some days to his villa, but having a job meant having some responsibilities. Eddie had spent all of his days of leave to go with Richie. He'd have to work at least a couple months to be able to take some more.

—Look, come this weekend, Eddie. Stan and Patty will be there too!

And so, every few weeks, Eddie would visit Bill and see most of the Losers, not at the same time. Bev, Ben, Mike, Stanley, Eddie was delighted to see all of them at Bill's. The rest of the time, the Losers shared photos on social media and kept in touch via their phone. Eddie looked up the latest snap Beverly had sent. Bill, Richie and Beverly were seemingly partying like teenager. Eddie felt a wave of longing.

What a depraved girl, Eddie commented. Where's your husband? Does he know about that? He joked.

i LeFt HiM aT hOmE, Beverly answered.

A new picture was sent. Ben was chilling with a drink in his hand.

He's having a beer by himself, the poor lad, Bill said.

The "…" showed Richie was typing something. Eddie watched intently the ellipsis disappear then reappear. The pang of longing grew. Eventually, the typing stopped altogether. Eddie was really disappointed.

I saw you typing, he wrote quickly. I saw you.

Yeah, I wanted to make a joke about fat people but since Ben's a former fatty and he's here I assumed it wasn't such a great idea lmao.

I'm so glad you're becoming a grown man, Ben wrote.

Eddie exchanged a few more messages before he had to focus back on work.

"What's your top three movies?", he wanted to ask Richie the next time they saw each other. Eddie frowned, he really wanted to know. Was that weird? 

Back home from work, Eddie googled Richie Tozier up and found his silly face smiling back at him. Eddy felt the ghost of a fluttering feeling. He scrolled down the internet page and found enough Richie Tozier material to last for days. Some of the pictures were from photoshoots, Eddie could imagine them being the front cover of Vogue or something like that.  
One photo in particular attracted his gaze. Eddie found himself staring at it for minutes on end. Richie's hair were cropped short, his wide eyes looked straight into the camera, and most noticeable thing of all, Richie had a flower in place of a dummy in his mouth. He looked adorable. 

Eddie winced and flushed from shame. He closed the laptop abruptly but still felt like a freak, so he googled all the other Losers up to feel better about himself. 

Why would he notice Richie's little pointy ears, or his cute little hair and lovely stubble. How on earth could he find a forty-year-old man cute? 

Then it dawned on him. Eddie felt attracted to Richie. How rude! How rude it was to feel attracted to your best friend! What was wrong with him? Oh god, what would they think of him if the Losers realised what he felt for Richie?  
After freaking out for about an hour, Eddie managed to convince himself that his interests were of a friendly nature. He hadn't seen Richie for so long, it was normal for him to react that way.

Eddie spent his whole evening binge watching SNL skits (with Richie in them) feeling like shit. A late text distracted him from his internal bashing session.

Finally gonna see my Spaghetti man! It read.

You're coming at Bill's in two weeks? Eddie typed back.

Maaaaaybeeeee ;)

Such a tease. See you then, Rich

Seriously though, I wouldn't have my hopes up if I were you, Eds. I have a truckload of meetings coming up.

Eddie didn't know what to answer. He felt his palms grow sweaty on the back of his phone. It was quite disgusting.

Love you ~, Richie sent.

Eddie stared at the words. His face grew hot in two seconds. God would it be awkward if he took too long to answer.

Don't call me Eds, asshole. He typed with trembling fingers, hoping he sounded casual.

AAAS YOOOOU WIIIIIIIIIIIIIISH!!!! Came the reply.

The next day, Eddie was brooding in front of his coffee. He wasn't sure he could keep this game up. Richie was obviously joking, like he always did. The thing was, all these remarks about Eddie being cute and the best and the most perfect person in the world had obviously gotten to Eddie's head. He sighed and drank some more coffee.

Because the truth was, Eddie was a bad friend. A very bad friend. What he felt was so untoward. He would have to do something about it quickly because he would see Richie soon and it was imperative nobody found out about his… improper inclinations towards his friend.

The cold was seeping through his coat. That's what happened when you decided to be trendy more than being practical, Eddie thought as he waited on the porch of Bill's house. Realistically, he was just going to get out of the car, walk up to the villa and that's about the only time he would spend in the cold, so that was okay.

—Eddiiiiiiie!!! Greeted a beaming Beverly.

Eddie grinned back and shoved a bottle of red wine in her hands.

—Beverly! Hi Bill! I brought crudités, thought it would be alright with you guys, Eddie said as he dropped two white wine bottles onto Bill's outstretched hands and a tupperware full of veggies on Beverly's.

—Do you know what being invited entails, Eddie? Patty said.

—Oooh Patty, as dry as your husband I see... Eddie sneered. Patty grinned back and lead Eddie to Ben and Mike. 

—Hi guys, did you have a good trip? Eddie asked with a big smile. He was so glad to see his friend every time he met with them.

—Sure, there was an evil baby that kept crying just two sits behind me on the plane, I was waiting for it to morph into a cruel, insane cackle… Mike said, somber.

Eddie and Ben stilled and waited for the end of the sentence. Mike's face was blank.

—So, I turned around and looked straight at it… its eyes were shut… Still, I could see all the evil energy coming from it… and when finally its face loosened up the tiniest of bits… I saw two gleaming blue eyes stare back at me with so much anger and hunger… aaand it was just a regular baby crying.

—Geez Mike, you certainly know how to cheer us up as always, Ben said with a sigh-smile. Ben was very good at doing sigh-smiles.

—Wow, that was intense… Eddie added. Where's Stan? 

—Guess Stanley couldn't cut it, Mike said with a frown. 

Eddie just stared at him.

—Naaah I'm kidding he's arriving tomorrow around the same time as Richie. What?

—You're such a loser… Eddie scowled.

—Heeeey I'm the one that stayed in that shithole for like 40 years so I'm entitled to be THE Loser.

—I wanna be THE Loser thank you very much, Eddie huffed.

—I think the prize goes to Mike, sorry Eddie, Ben said. 

The three of them laughed and were joined by Patty. The group had been engaged in their third hedbanz game, second drink in hand, when the front door was pushed opened and they all could overhear Bev's excited greetings.

—Did she become doorkeeper or what? Eddie remarked.

—Is Richie already there? Mike said getting up.

A loud voice was exclaiming "Salutations!!!" empathetically and making its way to the kitchen where it greeted Bill. 

Ben moved towards the voice with warmth showing on his face. 

—Hi Richie, Patty beat him to it.

—Hello Patty, still not in the kitchen I see! Oooh you decided to have fun for once… I'm proud of you, Richie said eying the post-it on her forehead that said "Obi-Wan".

Patty rolled her eyes and went to the couch with a smile.

—I haven't seen you in two months, man! Ben said.

—Ben! Growing handsomer by the second I see. How are you coping with the red haired witch so far? Oooh Mikey Mike, you look like a fucking college professor with those glasses on. He read their post-it and snorted. Richie's gaze landed on Eddie, who was the only one not up already. 

Richie was wearing a blue suit and brown tie. His white crisp shirt was buttoned up to the top and his long hair were glossy with some kind of wax and tucked safely behind his ears.

—Eddie my love!!!! Richie exclaimed coming up to him with a dashing smile.

—Long time no see, Eddie croaked. 

Richie was wearing a fucking suit. With a tie and everything. And he looked good. Look at that stubble, so handsome.

—I'm glad to see you, man, Eddie added for good measure. 

—I actually gotta go, but I'll be back tomorrow, I promise you guys! Must dash, bybye! I wanted to see my Spaghetti man before my heart burst from too much tension! Couldn't resist! Awww you so cute in this little wintah jumpah!

—Bill! I'm out! My agent's gonna kill me if I'm late to this appointment!

And Richie was running out of the house as if an evil pomeranian dog was chasing him.

Eddie facepalmed mentally. This wasn't going so well. Huh. Back to the game.

(here is a clear layout of who is who in this headbandz game:)  
Patty : Obi-Wan Kenobi (Eddie chose)  
Ben : Richie :P (Patty chose)  
Mike : Joan of Arc (Ben chose)  
Eddie : Samuel Pepys (Mike chose)

—So, uh, I'm a man, I've been dead for some time now, I'm a writer, but I didn't write fiction… Am I a philosopher?

—No Eddie, you're not a philosopher.

—Fuck you Mike, Ben, Patty, you know me?

Ben shook his head but Patty refused to respond since it wasn't Eddie's turn anymore.

—Right, Ben said. Hum, am I like a celebrity?

—Yes, Patty answered truthfully. Eddie wanted to snort but managed not to.

—Am I handsome?

—No. Eddie said quickly.

Mike and Patty looked at him.

—I think you are handsome, Ben, maybe not in a traditional way. You're certainly charming, Mike explained.

—What? No he's not. You're… average, Eddie spat. He still felt all tingly from Richie's short appearance.

—Right… This is a draw so I can ask another question, right? Am I tall?

—Yeah you're a fucking asparagus!! Eddie bitched.

Ben gave him a knowing look.

—So, am I funny?

—Fuck no! Eddie responded with a frown.

—Yeah, you kinda are, Patty said.

—Right… So, Mike here said I was charming. What is charming about me? Is it my smile?

Mike and Patty watched Eddie. He grew hot under the collar.

—Uh, yeah? I suppose so? He said uncertain.

—Mmmmmmh, Ben hummed. Is it my eyes that are so expressive?

Eddie felt himself shrink on the spot. What had he done that was so suspicious?

—Look, I don't know. I said you were average. So maybe Patty and Mike can answer too.

—Alright. Just to make sure, was I in this house like two minutes ago?

—Yeah… Eddie answered pitifully. I don't want to play anymore, this game is shit.

Eddie peeled off his post-it swiftly and stared at it.

—Who the fuck is Samuel Pepys, Mike? Who the fuck is it?

—It's Samuel Peeeeps, Eddie. And he kept a diary during the fifteenth century. In these entries there is notably a precise account of the 1665 Great Plague and the 1666 Great Fire of London.

Eddie stared hard at Mike.

—You're supposed to choose popular persons! I'm gonna get myself a drink, he sighed.

—Something on your mind? Bill asked when he saw Eddie serve himself a full glass of wine.

—Oh you know, the usual, I have a shitty life.

Bill snorted.

—It can only be better now than before. Don't you think, Eddie?

—You're talking about the killer clown or my obsessive and manipulative ex-wife that acted exactly like my mom?

—Hum, I, I don't manage to see what's the worse option, Bill said carefully with the hint of a smile. It was the first time Bill had made a semblance of a joke concerning It, but Eddie was too wrapped around his head to notice.

Bill put a hand on Eddie's shoulder.

—What I know is that both are behind you now.

Eddie sighed.

—Maybe you need some new hobbie? Something fun and safe?

—God you sound like Myra when she tried to be nice…

—Sorry man… Okay, okay, maybe you need the thrill of, of something new?

—What would that something be, Bill?

—Why not meet someone? On a dating app, maybe it would do you good.

Eddie cringed internally.

—I don't need someone. 

—I didn't mean it like that. Maybe you should get to know someone who you could talk with, exchange with, try new things together with, laugh with, you know the drill. Maybe it would turn your grey world into something more. 

—I'm forty-one, Bill. I'm not gonna meet someone and have fucking fun like teenagers at a stupid fair and eat ice cream and fucking candyfloss all day!

Bill was unfazed by Eddie's tone.

—Look, Richie signed on a dating app and met someone so it's possible you know? Even for middle aged men and women.

Eddie froze. 

—I'll, I'll think about it, he heard himself say.

What a miserable day. Eddie stared at his drink and drank some more. He felt like one of those depressed middle aged women that couldn't stand their kids anymore. Beverly came by his side and laid a hand on his shoulder.

—Slow down Eddie, we're not suppose to get smashed before dinner!

—Huh, that's hardly getting smashed.

—What's wrong, pal? Bill asked. Is my cooking not enough to cheer you up?

—It's just, I've had shit days at work recently, Eddie lied. I'm sorry it's getting the better of me.

—Don't worry Eddie, we're here for you. That's what friends are for, Bill said.

Eddie decided to get a grip and act like a normal person for the remainder of the day. His phone buzzed and demanded his attention.

I'm glad I could see you! Even for just a little bit! <3

Eddie sighed.

You were frowning it was so cute! How adorable!

Don't you have a meeting to prep or something? 

why, am i bothering you?

Eddie really wanted to say yes.

Lmao my manager's trying to get my attention. He's threatening to take my phone!

I'll see you tomorrow, Rich. Focus on your career.

Let's follow Eddie Kaspbrak's definition of fun :D

Fuck you very much.

I mean, it's not necessarily in the description of a Kaspbrak

Eddie frowned, confused.

Me and your mom had plenty of fun, she would ask to wear a collar as I spanked her. She was so fat I couldn't even see the collar!

Eddie gripped his phone and punched the call button.

—You shut the fuck up you dipshit! She's dead. Stop talking about her and bringing back my past to rub it in my fucking face!

Richie tried to speak but was interrupted by Eddie's angry voice.

—No! Shut up! It's like you were fucking dickslapping me straight in the face! Yeah! That's exactly what you were doing! Ain't that amusing to you?

Eddie could feel Richie cringe so much through the phone. It felt good.

—That's right she's dead. At least she can't abuse me anymore.

That was petty, Eddie knew, but Richie had to see that his shitjokes could actually affect people. Eddie ended the call in an unbothered move and stared hard into void.

There was not one sound to be heard inside the house and Eddie had actually forgotten Bill was right beside him.

—Shhhit. Eddie swore quietly. He grabbed his expensive coat and scarf.

—I'm heading back to the hotel. See you guys tomorrow.

Eddie thrusted his hand in his pocket and grabbed his car keys just to throw them in Mike's face. He really didn't want to care but there was no way he was driving after three glasses.

Way to go, Kaspbrak, way to go. Smart move, behaving like a raging bitch. Well done. Way to go. Eddie could hear Ben's sigh-smile from miles away.

Cold, wet from the snowy rain and miserable, Eddie planted the keycard in the slot right by the door and sat heavily on the bed. What a shit day. He closed his eyes and exhaled through the nose. The Losers would surely be more suspicious than ever, dammit. Eddie felt wary, this couldn't go well. He'd probably have to apologise to everybody for his shitty behavior tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Yeah, he would see all of them tomorrow, including Richie, whom he had flipped off on the phone in front of almost everyone he cared about.

Sorry about being a dick, Eddie typed to the group. I'll apologize formally tomorrow and hope I haven't spoiled the fun.

He put down his phone (probably like he had let down his friends) and went to take a shower. There is something seriously wrong with you when you don't feel better even with a hot long shower. Eddie stepped out and dried himself carefully. When he had to dry his face several times, he cursed and went back to the shower as if somehow it would make him feel better this time around. Fight water with water, he thought. Maybe you can pretend you're not crying and it's just the stream from the shower.

That night, Eddie dragged himself to bed feeling like a failure.


	5. Chapter 5

Knock knock. 

Bill opened the door to his house. The morning was bright and shining.

—Hey bro, who's already there? Richie asked, hands swiftly put in his pockets so he wouldn't have to decide what to do with them.

—Hi there, Richie. You're actually the first.

Richie hid his disappointment like a boss and was lead inside.

—So… what did you actually say to him, Rich?

Richie looked uneasy for half a second before getting his shit together. He had been a pro at hiding his feelings during childhood. He also had been a pro at hiding his feelings at the fucking Jade. That had been hard. Falling in love at first sight with a stranger who you just remembered was actually your first love; and, by extension the reason you had never managed to find the right person, had been fucking hard. He wasn't about to sell himself right now.

—I don't know what set him off, big Bill. Nothing out of the ordinary, t'was a stupid joke 'bout his mom.

—Well, Richie, Eddie seemed pretty down recently. You should give the man a break. Stop teasing him all the time, bro.

—Yeah I know, I was a dick. I want to say sorry don't you worry man. I'm not one those proud bitches that can't admit they were wrong.

As the day slowly went forward, more and more Losers showed up. Richie tried not to feel too jumpy when he heard the door open. He also tried not to feel too let down when the new arriving face wasn't his Eddie.

When four PM had passed and gone without a trace of Eddie, Richie stood up and got his coat.

—Yeah, that's a good idea, Bev said. Good luck, loser.

Richie didn't turn back as he exited the house and got to his car.

Knock knock. 

Eddie looked up from the bed and glowered at the offending door. He put on his best frown, pushed himself up and didn't move much after that. His palms had somehow managed to get moist in no time at all.

Knock knock knock knock.

Eddie worried his bottom lip and messed up his hair in exasperation at himself. He breathed in one last time and walked to the door with a resolute expression.

—What's with the bed hair? Said a dry voice.

Eddie stared.

—Stan?

—Yeah, that would be me. Were you expecting someone else..? Stanley said with the rise of a smug eyebrow. 

—You look so vain.

—I'm not the one wearing Gucci.

—Come in…

Stanley Uris walked in and took off his scarf.

—Why are you here?

—To give you a lift. Poor Mike still got your keys. So, ready?

Stanley eyed critically Eddie's sweatpants and t-shirt.

—You know it's cold outside?

Eddie let out a sigh.

—I'm not coming, dickhead. 

—You sound like a petulant child.

—Look, I'm not coming.

—What's keeping you from coming?

—I don't want to cause another scene. 

—Eddie, maybe he wants to say he's sorry.

Eddie's face looked so guilty in that instant that Stan had to lift off his smugness.

—I'm ashamed, Stan. I, you don't understand! 

—You fell in love with him.

Eddie paled.

—What would make you think that?

—Maybe the fact that one Richie Tozier is turning your whole world upside down?

—What, that's not. No.

Eddie's lips started trembling.

—I didn't mean to, he breathed out, his voice cracking.

Stan looked sad.

—Eddie, what's wrong with that?

—That's fucking disrespectful. He's my best friend! Just like you are, and the rest of the Losers!

—Ben and Beverly are crazy in love, are they wrong?

—What? No... it's, it's not the same… They've been in love since forever! It only feels right they should taste happiness.

—What's so different with you and Richie?

Eddie gaped.

—He fucking trusts me, Stan! I can't betray him like that, that's, that's dirty, Eddie spat the word. You really don't get it, I feel, I feel… attracted to him, Eddie made a face. He looked so distressed.

—Yes, being attracted to someone is basically what happens when you're in love with them.

—I don't care! That's rude Stan! Rude! It's unclean!

—Have you ever felt attracted to someone else before? Stan asked the simplest of questions.

Eddie looked away, out of his depth. Stan put a reassuring hand on Eddie's shoulder.

—What's new is not necessarily wrong, Eddie. I'll be waiting downstairs. I leave in twenty-five minutes. It's up to you if you want to come with me or not.

Stanley squeezed his shoulder one last time and turned away. 

When the door was close, Eddie collapsed on the bed.

—Damn… he said, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. 

What's your top three movies? He wanted to ask.

Richie parked his car down the hotel Bill had indicated and breathed in. He could do this.

—Hello, is a Mr. Kaspbrak still here? He ask at the desk of reservations.

—He checked out about ten minutes ago, sir. I'm sorry, sir.

Richie looked so crestfallen the desk hotel agent didn't ask him if he wanted to book a room.

Eddie looked sheepish as he stared at all his friends at Bill's. 

—I'm sorry I've been a pain in the ass… he started. That's no excuse but I'm kinda in love, and it's new, and I didn't know how to act so… sorry. Eddie said with pink ears. I just have to get a grip and I'll be fine. I'm, I have to talk to Richie and apologize to him, too. I'm gonna wait for him outside.

After Eddie had gone, Ben frowned.

—He's not planning on telling him.

—No… Stan agreed. 

—Let's just see what happens, maybe we'll have to talk some sense in them, Bev said.

Eddie walked away from the house, the cold kissing his face. There was no snow, the sky was light grey and everything looked lifeless, wet and dull. He crouched near the creek down Bill's yard and looked at the clear water that flowed seamlessly. It looked so clean Eddie was prompted to deep his hand in it. Thousands shards of pain shot through every nerve of his hand. The stream was so chilly Eddie wondered why it had not yet turned to ice. He sat there, watching his unmoving hand in the water. The numbing cold was invigorating.   
Eddie eventually pulled out his hand but instantly felt the pain as the air lacerated his ice-cold hand. He immediately put it back in the stream and felt better. 

A long silhouette walked slowly down the yard and to the stream where Eddie was crouching. Eddie turned his head and instantly stood up, forgetting about the sharp pain in his hand.

—Richie…!

Richie smiled tiredly.

—Hey Eddie… was afraid I wasn't gonna see you today.

Eddie looked down. 

—About that, I wanted to apologise for making a scene. It was uncalled f—

—No no no, Eddie, I came to say sorry. I should know better by now than to say offensive things just to get a rise out of you… I, this was officially the last time you ever heard a your mom joke coming from me. You know what, it was also the last time I made a fat is funny joke. I'm really sorry, I hope we can mend our friendship.

Eddie stared at Richie. A your mom joke could never break their friendship. He was about to say so when Richie grabbed Eddie's freezy hand and carefully nursed it in his own.

—Woah Eddie, your hand! Did you press it into ice?

Eddie's eyes widened in distress. He tore away his arm angrily and actually pushed Richie back.

—You just back off!

—Eddie...? Richie sounded hurt.

—You don't realise it, but I actually am uncomfortable you dick. 

Eddie was gripping his hand protectively and eying Richie with a nasty glare.

—Oh, uh… just like at the temple… I, I'm sorry Eddie…

Richie looked so genuinely wounded and broken. He slowly raised a hand and tried it to place it on Eddie's shoulder but was violently pushed away.

—You back off, I told you! 

—Geez Eddie! I just—

—Well you can't. Because maybe you don't feel anything, but I do!! So kindly leave me the fuck alone.

—What… what did you say?

Eddie's face went from deeply set anger to despair in no time. He put a hand to his mouth as if to catch the words that had already left. 

—Oh god… 

—Eddie…

Eddie let go of his offensive behavior and crumpled in on himself.

—I'm so sorry Rich.

The shame in Eddie's face shut Richie up.

—I'm so sorry. It's untoward of me, but… I want you.

Eddie's shoulders shook and he dropped his head in his hands, the shame taking the toll on his body.

Richie's face was confused.

—Eddie, why are you crying? Is it something so bad…?

—Of course it is! You didn't ask for it! I didn't ask for it either, it just… happened…

—Uh, sorry..? Richie said, unsure.

—Yeah that's right you should be sorry. It's your fault, saying stupid things like "Eddie my love" or how cute I am all the time, signing "love you" at the end of our conversations…

Richie looked forlorn.

—Do you wanna go back inside? He said gently.

—I don't know…

—… Can we still be friends? Richie asked slowly.

Eddie sobbed.

—I, I didn't mean to cause you pain, Eds… 

Richie put a hand on top of Eddie's head and looked at him with sad eyes.

—Just... don't avoid me, he said, gently ruffling the hair.

—I'll try.

The silence spread like a disease. Eddie sat down on the soggy grass and sighed.

—How are your dates going so far? Bill said you had signed on a meeting ap.

—It's, it's good, Richie lied. 

He hadn't seen anyone, hadn't cared enough to try. The bullshit he had sold to Bill was shitting back right in his face.

—That's cool, Eddie said. That there's someone out there for you even with all the shit that messed up our lives…

I don't want it to be anyone other than you, Richie wanted to say. Eddie obviously didn't want to be in love with him. He couldn't inflict that on the poor man.

—I'm so fucked up, Eddie said. I'm kinda glad no one will have to suffer my issues.

—We were all fucked up because of the trauma, Eddie. Who's had a kid? We're all like forty and none of us have had children, how unlikely is that? I mean, four of us were married, but still, no little Bill or Eddie or Stanlette. We're just all healing, and it takes time. I think I need you, all of you, please don't push me away…

—I won't.

Eddie pushed himself up and put his arms around himself to try to warm up.

—I fucking soiled my trousers, he mumbled. Fucking murky grounds.

—Let's get back inside, Richie said with a smile.

He watched Eddie get ahead and his smile faded. Could this be it? Eddie would be bound to feel miserable around Richie, and Richie would be miserable forever for causing his friend distress? No. He had to try to make it better somehow.

—Whataboutstickyrice? Richie asked before he could think more about it.

Eddie stopped in his tracks and turned.

—What?

—What about mango sticky rice. We, didn't try it the first time around… Richie looked away, anxious.

—You… want to go back? To Thailand, with me?

—Yeah?

—But, Richie, wha—

—What if you didn't have to feel ashamed of how you feel? What if, what if you realised that I wasn't that much of a dick? Eddie… you could think my butt was sexy as fuck I would still be your friend, and you'd still be my favorite person… he added, softly.

Eddie cringed.

—Eddie. I… after all these years I still can't say it.

—Say… what? Eddie looked curious. Wait, that you fucked my mum?

Richie looked more and more nervous.

—No, that I, my secret is…

He passed an anxious hand on his neck.

—Hum, that, you know, It used it against me, he called it my 'dirty little secret'... you know, when I was kid I didn't like girls… or—

—You liked boys, Eddie supplied, nonplussed.

—No. That's not my secret. My secret is that I liked a boy. Hum, he was cute, funny and always wore a fanny pack.

Richie's ears had gone pink. He gathered up all the courage he had and said it.

—Eddie, I still, I still do. You're, you're… I'm never gonna meet someone else… I, I haven't dated at all in these past forty years, and that's kinda embarrassing. Just like Ben, I, I got stuck on my childhood's first love even though I couldn't remember you...

Richie was cringing so much he had actually closed his eyes. Eddie was speechless.

—...even though you're an angry middle aged man that wears Gucci, Richie added quickly.

—Fuck you!

—Yeah sorry 'bout that… Richie says lamely. So… you wanna try mango sticky rice with me?

Eddie waited a beat before answering.

—Yeah, I'd like that.

Richie looked so happy his grin shut completely his left eye.

They walked together back to Bill's villa.

—Hey Rich?

—What, Eds?

—What's your top three movies?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo that's finished. Pppheew. Almost thouht they were gonna be miserable forever!

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote the whole fic don't worry! Also, I hope I don't bore anyone to death with it. Richie and Eddie act like children, I feel like they should still be close now, even if they are fourty and even though they only remembered their childhood recently.


End file.
